I don't understand why I am going through these changes. Changes that I did not ask for, or agree to, none the less changes I must contend with and face day by day; sometimes moment by moment.
You see I told you I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and all you see is me walking with a limp and a cane. What you have not witnessed is the many times I have fallen, how I toss and turn at night not able to get a good nights sleep, let alone rest. You don't see how I often stagger through my apartment holding on to walls and doorknobs to remain upright. You don't see the nerve pain and muscle spasms or the days when my drop foot is so weak it slips off the break...so I keep my distance so I have a chance to recover from a near miss of hitting a car.
I try really hard to watch my tone, shaping and phrasing my sentences so you don't think I'm being a prude. But no matter how delicate my approach you seem to get offended and then make my pain about you. God I really try to be mindful of others. Like when Cindy came from North Carolina to visit. She was coming to help me get my place in order because she knew what I had been through, and was getting ready for the first treatment. How I looked forward to just having her company! Sure I knew she would see other friends, but she was here specifically for me. Aren't I special!
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13
Jody called and wanted to do brunch on Sunday. Yes that's great, and maybe we can meet after church because now that Cindy was here I could make church instead of U-streaming it! Cindy said, Lee let's skip church and go to brunch, Jody wants to meet for brunch. Let's get up early in the morning and take care the housework. Cindy to be honest with you I don't jump out of bed in the morning and I don't know how I will feel. If I get up and feel good I need to be in church, but you can go to brunch, I just don't know if I will physically feel up to it! Cindy said we didn't have to go to brunch and I said no it's okay, you can go, I just don't know how I will feel tomorrow.
Thank you for reading! Please feel free to share with someone in need of encouragement today.
